Subway

Something that made me laugh really hard!

My Heart Aches

There are so many times where I sit at home alone and cry. Wishing that this would all be over with and I can have my little Liam home with his twin brother. Sometimes I don't get why we are given some challenges in life. I feel like I've done something so horrible and now God is punishing me. But then I think God doesn't work that way. I know God doesn't it just satan making me turn on God which I won't allow. But it's hard not to think that way, I mean I am only human and all I want is Liam home and this to be over with. Yes I am greatfull that I have twins and they are both alive and one is well and one isn't. You may see me laugh and smile all the time but deep in side half of those smile and laughs are fake. I'm drained emotion and physically. I sometimes feel as a mom that it's my fault Liam has this heart problem and I know it's irrational and i know it's silly but until you've walked in my shoes you have NO idea what it's like. I hate seeing him in the NICU being cuddled by these nurses when he should be at home cuddling with me or with Matt or his grandparents or uncle and aunts not some random nurse. Yes I am glad Liam is there and he has nurses and Dr's to look after him I get that, I am happy about that but 11 weeks of not seeing your son everyday and wanting him home my heart aches. I know someday Liam will be home with us it's all of matter of when. I pray everyday that God will give us strength to carry on and HE does. God has been nothing but faithful to us. Us people that have done nothing but sin and pushed God aside and only need him when things are bad. Well I've changed my attitude about that I need God is good and in bad times and I think Liam having his heart problem made me realize that.

All I think about is Liam, and how I feel so bad for Zefram and wonder if he misses him brother or realized that something that was there isn't anymore and wondering where is brother is? I don't know but me thinking that makes my heart ache more. I don't want pity or a lecture I just need prayers. Prayers for strength and for Matt (don't forget about him it's his son too, he hurting as much as me) and for his twin bro Zefram. I day dream about the day Liam is home and his heart surgery is gone and I think that is my way of avoiding this all. I usually just cry and carry on or watch an episode of "Friends" and forget about how i feel or just eat away at my pain. But tonight I needed to get it out on paper and so I have. Thus I leave you with how I feel today.

Psalm 32:1
Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered.

Psalm 42:5
Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior

Romans 15:13
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Romans 3:23-24
for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

13 years

Happy 13th Anniversary!

8 weeks

Who else can't believe that Liam and Zefram are 8 weeks old today. Not me it's going by so fast. Which I kind of like cause they are both starting to smile and be so cute. Matt and I are going to go visit Liam today and maybe get some news when he might be coming home. Anywho here are some pics of the boys. Enjoy!

Zefram, Daddy, Liam

Liam, mommy, Zefram

Riker Clan

don't forget about our family blog.

http://rikerclan.blogspot.com/

Babies

Longing for the day that my boys can sleep together again

One month old

I cannot believe that Liam and Zefram are a month old today. Time sure does fly by. But it's also sad, it's one month that I've hardly seen Liam or got to hold him or kiss him. One month less that I'm not apart of his everyday life. If I could I would be at that hospital everyday, but that's not possible. I hate it and cannot wait for the day he comes home and he's better and his heart is normal again and he can be with us and our little family will be compete. Some day... some day soon.

Liam

Zefram

But for now I am very grateful that I can have at least one baby home. He eats and sleeps and poops and pees and fusses and cries and cuddles. He's not a hard baby at all nor is he a easy baby. I've gotten the handle on this mom this pretty quickly. The first week at home was really nice but it was getting to know what he wants when he cried for fussed. Now I know and I'm more relaxed and know what to do. I love when he's up set and I hold him and talk to him and calms right down, cause he's momma is there. It's true, mom's make it all better and now it's my turn. :0)

But for now I ask God for strength and He grants me that prayer everyday.

One baby home one baby in NICU... counting the days till Liam comes home :0)
Mary

Faith and Jumper

My sister Brenda sent out an e-mail of Faith and their cat Jumper. The last pics is of all of her kids. Can't believe one day our boys will be that big. :(






(Garrett 5, Faith 1, Haden 7)

35 years...holy shite

HAPPY 35th ANNIVERSARY MOM AND DAD!

*~* Happy 7th Birthday Haden *~*

Happy Birthday Haden

My precious boys

Don't forget to check out our family blog

http://rikerclan.blogspot.com/

Liam Matthew Henry and Zefram Carson Jacob

Well my babies are here and are doing well. To know what's been going on check out our family blog at

http://rikerclan.blogspot.com/

So happy to be a mom

35 week belly shot

so here is my 35 week belly shot. I'll be taking one more in hospital on wed. Soon you will be looking at baby pic not belly pics :) Only 5 days to go

7 days, 1 weeks

Exactly 7 days, from today our twins will be born. Lord willing I have them the same day I get induced and not have a long labor. Who knows. :) Had my last dr and ultrasound today. Babies are great and I am half a cm dialed. Only 9.5 to go. :) For those who don't know how far that is...it isn't very much. But I am still happy that I started dilating on my own. So this is Matt and I's last week alone before these twins come. We have everything now and everything is ready. I still need to pack my over night bag ... which I think I should do that soon...maybe tomorrow, no I am going to pack that tomorrow.

I am feeling very ready to have these babies. Everything hurts and the word comfort doesn't exist in my life anymore. No matter how I lay in bed or how many or little pillows I have I'm still not comfortable. Which is normal for having twins and any kind of pregnancy. But b/c I have 2 of everything in me the weight is that much heavier. But it's all going to be worth it when I meet these twins for the first time. Matt has tomorrow off so we are spending the day together. Doing what? no much since I'm not very mobile and very uncomfortable. Don't have pity on me, I hate when people pity me it just me venting. Matt still makes me laugh and still makes fun of me and I still love him for all of that cause it makes me laugh and I feel better. I do have the BEST husband in the world.

Mommy in T-7 days
Mary

*~* HAPPY BIRTHDAY GARRETT*~*

33 week pregnant belly

I didn't think I could grow anymore. 17 more sleeps and you'll be looking at our babies. But for now it's my stretch marked belly :)

19 days...WATCH OUT!

so if you wanna know what's new in the Riker house check out Matt's blog.

http://mriker.blogspot.com/

I'll post a 33 week pregnancy pic soon

A mommy in 19 days
Mary

Twins

Hello Everyone

Yesterday Matt and I went along with my mom, my 2 sisters Brenda and Marlene and my cousin Cindy and went to the Paediatric Cardiologist at Mc Master Hospital in Hamilton to find out what could be wrong with Twin "a's" heart. I was there for almost 2 hours on the ultrasound table, ( this isn't uncommon for me for ultrasound taking so long cause with twins there is obviously twice as much to do.) the Dr that was doing my ultrasound couldn't really find anything that was wrong with twin "a's" heart. It was hard to tell as they normally only do these types of ultrasounds of the heart between 18-22 weeks and me being 33 weeks. So what she could see, she didn't see anything odd or to worry about. But there might be a small hole in twin 'a's' heart, but that will most likely close once the baby is born. Thank you to everyone for your prayers and support oh yeah and twin 'b' is fine. Ha I guess I should mention that one too. I go for another ultrasound tomorrow to see about the twins abdominal growth. Thanks again

Mary

concerned

Well just got back from the ultrasound and this is what's happening at 32 weeks...

Both twins are a bit behind on their abdominal growth, so we've got to keep an eye on that. The dr said that the babies are smart in that if they're not getting enough nurishment, they'll grow what's most important (ie. their brains rather than their stomachs)
She also said that my belly according to last time hasn't grown much and she said that also could be an technical error. In addition, there is a concern about twin A's hearts... it's aeorta or ventricle is smaller relative to the other. So we have an appointment with a pediatric cardiologist sometime. Just waiting for a phone call from the dr's office. Just pray for us and that everything will be ok.

Mary

*~* HAPPY BIRTHDAY FAITH *~*

*~*~*~*Happy 1st Birthday Faith*~*~*~*

I cannot believe this little girl has been around for a year already. Her birthday party is on saturday and I can't wait to kiss those checks. Happy Birthday Faith